 |
|
TV Characters We'd Like to Have
Around
 |
Buffy, 'Veronica Mars' or
Veronica's Dad
In "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," Buffy
Summers saved the world many times over. To have her as a friend
would be swell in the unlikely event of vampire warfare, but there
would be a serious drawback: I'd have to be a sidekick -- and
everyone knows Buffy's sidekicks suffered all sorts of terrors and
indignities (sex with a linebacker-sized praying mantis, anyone?).
Besides, her show is over. As undignified as it is fantasizing
about importing TV characters from current shows into my life, it's
probably even worse to reveal I can't let go of a program that ended
three years ago.
Moreover, the heir to Buffy is Veronica Mars, who kicks ass and
generally solves more quotidian problems. I'm sure she, unlike the
Seattle police department, would have figured out who broke into my
car and swiped the booster seat and diaper bag.
But so would the even more compelling hero of "Veronica Mars":
her dad. He has all the crime-fighting skills and moxie, but he's
also a model parent and could probably give me some pointers. While
I still haven't forgiven my kindergartener for writing on the walls
with a Sharpie marker when she was in preschool, he didn't freak out
when Veronica got a sexually transmitted disease. I could probably
use a little of his restraint. | |
 |
'The Daily Show With Jon Stewart'
Sidekicks
Although I wouldn't particularly want to be a sidekick myself
because of the possible praying mantis issues, I'd sure love to zap
any of Jon Stewart's comics ...
past or present ... into my life.
As a print journalist, I've been making fun of newscasters for
years, with no apparent effect. It would be ever so much more fun to
do that with "The Daily Show" folk, especially now that I have a
roomy sectional couch.
| |
 |
Someone to Cook With
Obviously, woman cannot live on laughter and heroics alone. She
has to eat, which is why I would definitely want to import a TV chef
into my life. Julia Child, alas, is
already outside the TV box and into a pine one, unfortunately.
Emeril Lagasse, with his
notch-kicking and bamming, is far too scary. Martha Stewart? I have a
feeling I'd be doing all the work, while she did all the judging --
and honestly, that's my shtick. Rachael Ray, meanwhile,
is the Katie Couric of cooking shows. I hope no one tells her she
can have a colonoscopy in less than 30 minutes. She might try to
dish one up.
But the cooking geeks of "America's Test Kitchen"? They'd do no
such thing. I'd love to have them over for a meal, especially one
that they prepared.
And speaking of geeks, the Discovery Channel's "MythBusters" --
Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman -- would definitely be welcome in my
home, as long as they didn't do anything unsavory with animal parts,
explosives or Buster, their crash-test dummy. If anyone's going to
scar my children for life, it's going to be
me. | |
 |
Tim Gunn, 'Project Runway'
But honestly, I don't want to scar my children for life, which is
why my No. 1 TV friend these days is more like Mike Brady than Bo
Brady.
Tim Gunn from "Project Runway" is like a more handsome,
better-dressed Jiminy Cricket. And this is saying something. Jiminy
Cricket is not only Italian, he wears a top hat, frock coat and
vest. Even if he is a bug, he's no sartorial slouch.
True, Tim Gunn has the better voice and the advantage of being
human. But, like Jiminy Cricket to Pinocchio, he encourages the
designers, tries to steer them away from bad choices and exhorts
them to "make it work" when things look bleak, which for people like
me, is pretty much an everyday phenomenon.
How much would it cost me to hire Tim Gunn to put his hand on my
shoulder and say, "Carry on," in his consoling, velvety voice?
Probably everything I'd ever make if I developed technology that
brought people out of TV sets. But I swear, it'd be worth
it. | |
| Martha Brockenbrough is author of "It Could Happen to You:
Diary of a Pregnancy and Beyond." She's also founder of SPOGG, the Society
for the Promotion of Good Grammar. And she writes an educational humor
column for Encarta. Check out her Web site.
|
|
|
|
Hotmail
