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Bad couplings
This is
a broader category, but one that deserves attention because writers
never seem to learn. We like sexual tension, people. "Rhoda" and Joe; Sam and Diane on "Cheers"; David and Maddie on "Moonlighting" -- as long as they're
together, (but not Together), we keep coming back for more. Once
that line's been crossed, few shows have been able to make us still
care. "Friends" really had to go off the air
when it did; it was about to the point where Rachel was going to
have to do it with Phoebe and Ross with Gunther. Please, please do
not let this happen with Stabler and Benson on "Law & Order: SVU." Sometime ask us
about the nearly as dreadful trend, Death by Baby
Syndrome. | |
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"Twin Peaks" season 2
Now, again, we're aware
there are hundreds of shows far worse
than the second season of
"Twin Peaks." But it's a TV turkey
because of just how far it
fell from its thrilling first season and
all the potential it
wasted. Did David Lynch even think
past what
would happen after we found out who killed Laura
Palmer? By the end, and I know because I watched every wretched
episode, there was no semblance of story, just a random stew of evil
apparitions in mirrors and the occasional inexplicable new
character, like Heather Graham's former
nun (!). How the mighty had fallen. Let this be a lesson to you,
writers of this season's "Lost" (treading water), "Desperate Housewives" (fewer reasons
to care about the gals), et al. | |
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"Joey"
Oh, the whole squandered opportunity of it all.
You take the most interesting and viable character from one of the
most successful shows in TV history, "Friends," and then proceed to
stack the deck against him. Matt LeBlanc is still
endearing, but transplanting him to L.A. and, worse, surrounding him
with a loser supporting cast -- nephew/roommates, a slutty sister
and god knows who else -- gives the whole show the faint stench of
desperation. It didn't have to be this way, NBC. What "Frasier" was to "Cheers," "Joey" could have been to
"Friends." How we doin'? Not so hot. | |
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"Who Wants to Marry a
Multi-Millionaire?"
This 2000 FOX series spawned the wretched
mating branch of reality TV -- the roses, the hot-tub make-out
sessions, the two-headed Ryan Trista beast. It all started with this
skin-crawling pageant where young lovelies vied for the hand of a
blockhead named Rick Rockwell -- who ended up having a violent past
and a crummy house to boot. Most of the contestants later, including
blushing bride Darva Conger, admitted they did the show for the
"free trip to Vegas." Girls, listen up: If you're going to humiliate
yourself on national TV, hold out for some place exotic like Tahiti.
And the Conger-Rockwell union? Annulled within a month. I'm sure
both of them are lurking in an upcoming season of the "Surreal Life" or perhaps working for
Joey Buttafuoco in his ice cream delivery
business. | |
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"Everybody Loves Raymond"
True
fact: Not everybody. We actually stopped strangers on the street to
ask if they watched this CBS show in a desperate attempt to find out
who were its fans. The huge ratings, the Gucci bagsful of Emmys --
we never understood any of it. Ray Romano has an
appealing, affable persona, but the show always struck us as very
mean-spirited -- especially the evil old bat played by Doris Roberts, who
apparently had some sort of damning videotape evidence on every
voting member of the Television Academy. Everybody loves a great
blue-collar comedy, from "The Honeymooners," "All in the Family"
and "Roseanne" to "Drew Carey," "King of Queens" and "Bernie Mac" -- but those shows all
have heart under their crusty exteriors. Now everybody loves
"Raymond" -- in the past tense. | |
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"Seinfeld" finale
This is the
kind of turkey that makes you wonder, "What on earth were the
writers thinking?" -- and by "thinking," of course, we mean
"smoking." The show chose to go out while it was still on top, but
the sendoff in 1998 was less than splendid. Who thought taking
quintessential New Yorkers on a road trip -- which then ended up
with a trial, jail and other nonsense -- was a good idea? The finale
was actually painful to watch -- especially right after the stellar
tribute show that NBC aired. The clips of some of the show's best
lines, putdowns and bemusing situations were the real Valentine
sendoff to Jerry Seinfeld's vision;
we even got "verklempt" at that Green Day song. Then they had to go
and ruin it with the unwatchable final episode. And don't even get
us started on the post-"Seinfeld" curse that lingers to this very
day ("Ellie," anybody?). As George would say, "I think I can sum up
the show for you with one word:
Nothing." | |
Kati Johnston is a
freelance writer. And just in case you're an "Everybody Loves
Raymond" fan, her phone number is unlisted.Agree?
Disagree? Send comments to heymsn@microsoft.com. |
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