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| The air is crisp; the family is gathered around
both table and TV screen. It's the time of year to give thanks -- that
we're not being subjected to some of the worst duds in TV history. And
we're not just talking about those shows so bad they barely lasted an
episode or two -- because who can remember them? (Though just for the
Schadenfreude-eliciousness of it all, let us pause to recall some of this
season's freshly departed: "Head Cases," "Inconceivable"... shudder). Rather, we're the
most outraged by shows that either started out smashingly and then tanked
or that suffered from what-were-they-thinking cast choices that led to
mighty stumbles. In the spirit of the season, we hereby present, for your
carving pleasure, the 10 worst TV turkeys ever. Don't forget to save room
for leftovers.. |
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"Barney and Friends"
Come on --
kids are kids; they're not brain damaged. This cloying and annoying
series is no friend to preschoolers and should be folded up like a
circus tent. When little ones have available pals like Elmo and the
Teletubbies, there's no reason to subject them to the syrupy Kumbaya
messages of the purple dino. Runners up for the tween set: "That's So Raven" and the Disney Channel
heroines. Hey girls, if you just buy enough stuff, you too can be as
cool as Raven/Hilary/all the rest of those shallow Barbie-ettes. We
say, she's so craven, and just say no. And pass the pumpkin pie.
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"Law & Order: Bad Casting
Calls"
To be clear, we love the show, and most of the
spin-offs (how
many are there now?). Our beef is with the just
flat-out-bad
casting decisions made over the years. Seems like
the original
"Law & Order" has suffered the worst: Dianne Wiest, one
of
America's great comic actresses -- as a gravitas-laden
district attorney? Elisabeth Rohm, wide-eyed
Valley Girl clone -- as a brilliant assistant D.A.? Benjamin Bratt, handsome
but cadaver-stiff -- as a magnetic, dogged New York City detective?
The list goes on, but we simply can't. We call it "Law & Order:
Never Again." | |
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Jerry Springer and Dr. Phil
One
is the love/hate child of the other -- we just don't know which.
Springer scrapes the bottom of the trailer-trash barrel, to huge
ratings (Is it any wonder "Springer" is popular in Europe? It's
every non-American's worst vision of what Americans are like). Dr.
Phil, meanwhile, has parlayed an Oprah friendship, some homespun
pearls ("That dog won't hunt!") and the most banal self-help
platitudes out there into a gazillion-dollar industry. Where is
Susan Powter when you need her? Stop the insanity!
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"Cop Rock"
It was bold, it was
ground-breaking and it just ran right off the rails. Steven Bochco's 1990
vision of a musical crime show pushed the boundaries, all right, but
viewers just couldn't get used to the cops and perps going all "The
hills are alive... " in the middle of a bust. Some of the songs were
terrific, like Randy Newman's
"Sandman." But we just couldn't follow -- or swallow -- the whole
concept. | |
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