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With George Lopez, Mo'Nique and Wanda Sykes all preparinging to
enter the talk show world, it seems more true than ever that everyone in
Hollywood gets his or her own one-hour chat fest if he or she sticks
around long enough. But looking back on the last few decades of talk show
failures -- a landscape littered with the bodies of A-listers, also-rans
and anonymities -- we're reminded that landing yourself a couch hardly
guarantees comfort.
Video: Mo'Nique discusses her new
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"Queen Latifah Show" (1999-2001) In early
2003, Dana "Queen Latifah" Owens
triumphantly made the awards-season rounds as a distinguished
thespian with an Oscar nomination for her work in Best Picture "Chicago." Million-dollar
offers poured in for the suddenly sizzling actress, which was
particularly shocking because she had bombed as a lowly daytime talk
host just 20 months earlier. Hip-hop's first lady struggled with
less-than-royal ratings despite the aid of friends/guests Diddy, Mary J. Blige and Lauryn Hill and the
good karma earned by making disadvantaged kids' dreams come true. By
the time her show was shockingly renewed for a second season,
however, the charismatic host was lost between social
responsibilities (Al Gore and Ralph Nader
were guests) and "Jerry Springer"-like
sideshow attractions.
Video: Queen Latifah on "Late Night
with Jimmy Fallon"
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"The Tony Danza Show" (2004-2006) It's
difficult to decide which is more unbelievable: that producers,
executives, affiliates and a studio all believed the world wanted to
spend five hours a week with Tony Danza, or that they
were kinda right. After a second-season renewal only slightly less
shocking than the O.J. Simpson verdict,
"Danza" finally threw in the towel after more than two years on
the air. It's hard to imagine why, with powerful guests such as Judith Light and a
talking parrot, segments on how to make pizza and regular guest
stints from Liza Minnelli. The two
most enduring sights from the show's run will likely be Danza
singing cabaret-style at a piano and getting a concussion during a
go-kart race -- with the kiddie ride showing Danza once and for all
who really is the boss.
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"The Marsha Warfield Show" (1990-1991) Who
better to host a talk show than the sixth funniest person from "Night Court"? After a
lengthy search for an affable, homey and quick-witted host,
producers instead offered the job to the woman who played bailiff
Roz -- a cranky, manly character who spent most episodes standing in
the background with her arms crossed. Shockingly, the show lasted
less than a year after its 1990 premiere, and Warfield was never
heard from again (save the occasional "The Love Boat: The Next
Wave" appearance). The show featured a laid-back set with a soda
machine, fireplace and a basketball hoop that encouraged guests to
take a shot on their way in, but the show, like Warfield herself,
was far from a slam dunk.
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"The Caroline Rhea
Show" (2002-2003) When Rosie O'Donnell traded in
her daytime crown for a hermit-like existence of lawsuits,
lesbianism and lunacy, she handpicked this "Sabrina, the Teenage
Witch" comedian to assume her Koosh-ball-slinging duties.
Unfortunately for the somewhat quick-witted Caroline Rhea, however,
the job also came with all the appeal of a worn-out pair of your
older sibling's overalls. Hosting from a nearly identical set, Rhea
inherited many of Rosie's behind-the-scenes people, along with the
belief that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. But things did break --
quickly -- as the daytime host got blank stares asking guests
questions such as, "So, were you ever a Boy Scout?" Rhea's
self-deprecating humor took on an unintended dimension after only a
few months, when the audience realized that her
"I-can't-believe-I-have-a-talk-show" shtick probably meant that she
shouldn't.
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