Tom Cruise has never been one to let things roll off his back (even before Katie Holmes starting clinging to it), so it's no surprise his legal pit bull is snarling over a Playboy piece by "Celebrity Rehab" host Dr. Drew Pinsky. "A lot of people in the public eye who behave strangely have mental illness we can learn from, and much of it is based on childhood trauma, without a doubt. Take a guy like Tom Cruise," writes the doc (via the New York Post). "Why would somebody be drawn into a cultish kind of environment like Scientology? To me, that's a function of a very deep emptiness and suggests serious neglect in childhood -- maybe some abuse, but mostly neglect." While it's understandable that the L. Ron Hubbard-devoted, history of psychiatry-knowing actor would want to defend himself against a theoretical (read: glib) diagnosis offered up amid a multitude of nekkid hotties, his lawyer probably could have done so without comparing the former sidekick of Adam Carolla to the former sidekick of Adolf Hitler. "This unqualified television performer who is obviously just looking for notoriety is so grotesquely unprofessional as to pretend to diagnose Tom and others without ever meeting them," attorney Bert Fields rails to the Post of Pinsky, who, it should be noted, is a board-certified internist and an addiction specialist. "He seems to be spewing the absurdity that all Scientologists are mentally ill. The last time we heard garbage like this was from Joseph Goebbels." (And speaking of Hitler, Cruise's bad buzz-plagued World War II flick "Valkyrie" is scheduled for release on Feb. 13 -- a Friday.)

Pinsky's rep was quick to offer up a mild mea culpa, saying in a statement (via People), "Dr. Drew meant no harm to Mr. Cruise and apologizes if his comments were hurtful." That said, "Although Mr. Fields' intent is clearly to slander and discredit Dr. Drew, under no circumstances is Dr. Drew making a blanket diagnosis about Scientology nor Mr. Cruise whom he does not know," added the mouthpiece. "Dr. Drew was simply using Mr. Cruise as an example of someone who is recognizable to help the public understand. Again, Dr. Drew meant him no harm."

Meanwhile, if Heidi Klum has her way, she and Seal will remain elbow-deep in dirty diapers for a little while longer. "So many people say, 'I am so done.' That hasn't come out of my mouth, and it hasn't come out of Seal's mouth either," the German model-mogul, who is mom to Leni, 4, Henry, 2, and Johan, 1, tells the July issue of Redbook. "I feel like we still have one coming." But Heidi points out that just because she regularly rubs shoulders with Tim Gunn that doesn't make her kiddie-centric life any less routine. "It's not like I'm this glamour diva who hands everything over and I just sit on my throne at home," says Heidi. "When we're home, we're cooking and doing things with the kids, driving them to school. We do the things that everyone has to do."

Eva slips on a comfy dress -- and kick-starts belly rumblings -- as she shops on June 9 in New York with sunglass-topped stylist Robert Verdi and husband Tony Parker, right.

For the second time in two weeks, Eva Longoria has been hit with stork speculation, which was reignited Monday when she was snapped in a roomy dress receiving what appeared to be a belly pat from a staffer at a New York boutique. But the man who knows every inch of the "Desperate Housewives" star's body -- and no, it's not husband Tony Parker -- says she's yet to be knocked up. "Eva is not pregnant," her stylist, Robert Verdi, dismisses to People. "I'm not her gynecologist, but I am her stylist. I see her naked. I see her boobs! That's the first place it would show, and it's not showing!" And the photos from her shopping trip? "Eva was holding a handbag that she bought in the crook of her arm," explains Verdi to the magazine. "The manager came over and said to her, 'I love that bag.' But in the photos, it looks like the woman is gesturing to her midsection. It's too funny."

Charlize Theron refuses to accept that stardom means offering up her private life for public consumption. "It comes across as this really sad need for approval," the knockout Oscar winner slams to British GQ. "I've heard people make comments like, 'You don't really want to be in the tabloids but you need to be for your career.' They believe it's actually important. It's not. It's ugly." And while Charlize has no problem discussing what parts of boyfriend Stuart Townsend's body turn her on or why they're avoiding the altar, she doesn't believe she should have to pander to the paparazzi-fueled tabloid culture. "Like, your life belongs to us now? That's the deal? I didn't get that memo," she rants. "It wasn't sent to me and I didn't sign it. So, [bleep] you."

Next: Jolie Talks Tats, Twin Shock & Pregnancy Sex