Remember when Paris Hilton sat down with Larry King after getting sprung from the pokey and said she was not only a "very loyal friend," but also someone who had "matured and grown a lot."

Yeah, not so much.

During a radio interview on Monday, the starlet repeated out loud the thoughts that were rattling around inside her mostly uninhabited head when asked to answer the following brain teaser: "What would you rather have, Jessica Simpson's rack or Kim Kardashian's ass?"

"I would not want [Kim's butt] -- that's gross!" Paris sneered to Las Vegas station KLUC-FM of her onetime pal's trademark tuchis. "It's disgusting ... It reminds me of cottage cheese inside a big trash bag."

A repentant Hilton soon issued an apology for the derriere dig, perhaps because she remembered her own admitted shortcomings (so to speak), specifically, her size 11 feet. Or maybe her PR people told her to suck it up and act contrite.

"I was just joking around and I made a stupid joke," she mea culpas to In Touch. "I felt really bad afterward, so I contacted Kim and apologized. It was a silly thing to say."

And just in case you doubt her sincerity, Paris proceeds to trot out her not-at-all over-and-done catchphrase, declaring, "Kim's hot!"

As for the inexplicably ubiquitous Kardashian, she played it cool, telling the mag, "Paris and I have been friends since we were kids and I'm glad she made the effort to say she's sorry."

No word on whether Hilton plans to offer an olive branch to Simpson over what she said about her double-D's.

"I don't like big boobs," she opined. "I think they're too big."

(We expect to see that deep thought on a T-shirt or bumper sticker sometime soon.)

When not trashing her former friend's assets, Paris squeezed in a pair of club appearances in London with her on-tour boyfriend, Benji Madden, and made major moolah for partying with the hoi polloi.

According to the London Daily Mirror, she earned about $140,000 for spending 50 minutes at hot spot Mahiki on Monday night (don't do the math -- it'll just depress you). She supposedly arrived two hours late, making her entrance at 1:40 a.m.

Benji Madden does his best Corey Hart impression as he and Paris exit London hot spot Crystal.

The following evening, Paris reportedly nabbed an estimated $40,000 to hang with Benji at nightclub Crystal.

"The pair sat in the VIP section sipping bottles of water," an eyewitness tells the London Daily Mail. "Benji didn't even take off his hat and sunglasses all night."

Madden, for his part, doesn't understand why his posterior-dissing sweetheart has a reputation for being a diva.

"I have never met that Paris Hilton. I have never seen that side of her," the Good Charlotte second banana tells the Mirror. "She is actually very different. She is very sweet and caring. I have never heard her talk about money or her background or showing off. She is actually very down-to-earth."

As for Paris, she's showing her typical restraint when it comes to her new romance.

"He's the best thing to happen to me," she squeals of her beau of two whole months. "God must have sent him!"

This schmoopy proclamation comes just a week after she wrote on her MySpace page, "I've never felt so happy and in love. He's such an amazing guy and life has never been better."

And on the off chance Benji isn't already under pressure because their relationship has gone from zero-to-serious in record time, Paris' parents have chimed in to give him an extra nudge.

"It's a great love match," her mom, Kathy Hilton, blabs to Robin Leach's Luxe Life, "and I have a funny feeling it's going to go all the way and we've already given it our approval!"

Oy.

Over to you, Papa Hilton: "He's the perfect example of 'don't judge a book by its cover.' He's polite, well-mannered -- even calls me sir! We love him like family already."

Concludes Kathy, "We couldn't be happier for them. This has honestly become the real thing ... He's changed her life, and I really think she's genuinely in love for the first time."

Of course, three years ago, Kathy was raving about her daughter's then-fiancé, Paris Latsis, calling him "kind" and "brilliant" and announcing, "I've never seen Paris this happy in her life."

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