We're shocked -- shocked, we tell ya -- that a reality show D-lister might have preyed on an issue-plagued starlet in his quest for fame. But that may be what drew side-of-beefcake Brody Jenner to the rickety bones of Nicole Richie.

He reveals his apparent scheme to climb the Hollywood food chain in a new Details profile, with a little help from his "manager-slash-publicist-slash-agent-slash-stylist" Spencer Pratt, best known for his soul-sucking work as the Heidi-dating asshat on "The Hills."

"All right, here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna start dating Nicole Richie. And you're gonna get that skinny b**ch to eat, all right?" Pratt blabs to the mag about what he told Jenner back in August. "You are about to become The Guy Who Got Nicole Richie to Eat. Process that s**t, bro. You'll be, like, a f****ng hero to America."

You'll recall that Brody, the oh, let's say star of the promptly canceled "The Princes of Malibu," began cozying up to childhood chum Richie in late August, not long after he called it quits with "Laguna Beach" blonde Kristin Cavallari and Richie parted ways -- again -- with onetime fiancé Adam "DJ" AM Goldstein.

The tabloid-covered pairing lasted just two months, and when they announced it was over, Nicole took to her MySpace page to downplay its seriousness: "The truth is, we were never really together. We hung out, and he's a nice guy, but my heart was never in it."

But Brody, who just days after the split hooked up with "Hills" blonde Lauren "L.C." Conrad (the "romance" lasted about as long as you'd expect, meaning not long at all), seems to be having second thoughts about oversharing the purported plot to plump up Nicole, because he tells People he's "horrified" by the Details article.

"I have broad shoulders and can handle what is written about me personally, but when I am misquoted or mischaracterized as exhibiting a disrespectful attitude towards someone I care about, I feel I need to clarify the situation," he huffs to People. "I genuinely love Nicole ... I would never say or do anything hurtful to those I love and respect. I'm sorry it was represented that way."

The magazine says it stands by the story "100 percent."

For the three of you out there not yet completely turned off by Jenner, he enthuses to Details that he's looking for "a nice, normal, real girl," preferably one who "has nothing to do with L.A.," a town he finds "so fake."

And getting faker all the time. He conveniently reveals that his search for a "normal girl" who isn't part of the Los Angeles scene will be "a component of our new MTV show ... It might be hard, though, with all the cameras."

You think?

Richie, for her part, has moved on with Good Charlotte frontman Joel Madden, but is she about to move in? Lionel's ever-so-slightly meatier-looking little girl, who on Tuesday pled not guilty to a DUI, is househunting with her beau of two-plus months, says Us Weekly.

"Nicole hasn't moved in with him yet ... but they are looking at places," says a snitch, who adds that they have already "exchanged their 'I love yous.'"

Perhaps Nicole, who has a condo in West Hollywood, Calif., wants Madden to be a little closer to the action. After all, she was reportedly coming from his suburban Glendale, Calif., pad when she was popped by cops for allegedly driving the wrong way down a freeway.