One day, when David Spade finally sits down to write the definitive guide to how ordinary-looking guys can land incredibly hot chicks, he should consider adding a chapter on worst-case scenarios. Like, for instance, what to do when a Playboy playmate singles you out as the father of her unborn child. According to TMZ.com, Jillian Grace, 22, who's better known to non-article-reading subscribers as Miss March 2005, is claiming she's carrying a child spawned by the funnyman, 43. Spade, whose exes range from Heather Locklear to Lara Flynn Boyle, acknowledges he had a "brief relationship" with the blonde and maintains to TMZ, "If it is true that I am the father of her child, then I will accept responsibility." Still, an insider voices some paternal suspicions to E! News, hinting, "There is something shady about all of it."

Gwyneth Paltrow's brief hospitalization this week has sparked rumors of everything from a macrobiotic diet gone wrong to a bun in the oven. But if Apple and Moses are getting another oddball-monikered sibling, that's news to their grandma. Blythe Danner offered a simple "no" when asked by the New York Post if her daughter was expecting, adding for good measure, "She's fabulous. She's perfectly fine." And while a spy alleges to the New York Daily News that Paltrow and husband Chris Martin were seen entering the maternity wing of Mount Sinai hospital in New York, her rep downplays any stork-centric implications, calling them "guesswork at best." The spokesman then points out to the paper, "This is a private matter not for public consumption." It's a sentiment echoed a mite more strongly by the Coldplay front man, who got physical when a paparazzo offered him "congratulations" as he and the stony-faced Oscar winner exited the hospital and climbed into a waiting SUV. In video obtained by TMZ, Martin can be seen pushing the photographer down and grabbing his camera, repeatedly telling him to "have some respect."

Christina Aguilera has apparently been brushing up on her lullabies. E! News reports the new mom, who welcomed Max Liron Bratman on Jan. 12, is "already singing" to the newborn, although she's likely taking it easy on the high notes. A source reveals Aguilera is still "really sore" from her C-section. "It was more painful than she thought," the snitch TMIs.

Is Jennifer Lopez handing out a potential choking hazard at her upcoming baby shower? In Touch claims Mrs. Marc Anthony, who may or may not be incubating twins, will include Swarovski-encrusted pacifiers in the gift bags presented to guests at the bash, which is reportedly scheduled to take place on Jan. 22 in New York. "It's going to be huge," says a mole. "And there will be a lot of celebrity friends there." Let's hope none of them has a teething tot with a weakness for bling. Last summer, federal safety regulators issued a recall on crystal-bedecked binkies because of the danger posed should the shiny decorations become dislodged.

Gwen and Kingston do some New York shopping last October.

The awww-inducing adorableness of Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale's 20-month-old son, Kingston, has seemingly made some people a little too eager for their next big production. In response to rumblings that the couple was awaiting a return visit from the stork, a rep for the peroxide-topped popster informs Us, "She's not pregnant." Stefani, however, has been open about her desire to give Kingston, whom Rossdale recently called his "greatest triumph," a brother or sister. "It's in the itinerary. I'm ready to go," she told Ellen DeGeneres in February 2007, adding of the timeline, "It's not really up to me. I feel like it's this big miracle and it's all written out there ..."

In other denial news, Eva Longoria gave People an update on the contents of her uterus before the belly-watching rumor mill even cranked up. "No pregnancy, not yet," Mrs. Tony Parker told the magazine, ostensibly in response to paparazzi pics showing her with an ever-so-slightly swollen belly. "I've been cooking and eating, cooking and eating. I keep telling everyone that I've gained 10 pounds just being on strike." But she's not ruling out the possibility of hearing the pitter-patter of little feet in the near future. "I mean, we're not really on a time clock, and going, 'OK, this month, this day," explained Eva. "We're kind of just going, 'We're so happy if we get pregnant, and if we don't we're OK.' We're just letting God decide it."

Next: Brit Moons Paps, Denies Taking Pregnancy Test