If celebrities fascinate us (and they do) and babies are cute (and lots of them are), it makes sense that the public would want to see the babies of celebrities. Kind of. But how did we get from, "Hey, there's Suri Cruise, an adorable, famous person's baby!" to "Hey, there's the grown child of a famous person! Let's see if he puts on his slouchy jeans one pants leg at a time!"? When did the merging of fame-by-association and reality TV become not only accepted, but expected? Was it Paris Hilton and her "reality" show, "The Simple Life," which launched in 2003? Paris' fame-by-wealth status minted the term "celebutante." As if that wasn't painful enough (and it really was), now cameras seem compelled to also follow the famous-by-inheritance, which we are sorely tempted to call "celebrats."

Masters Spelling and Stewart are just the latest in a long line of nepotism television. Randy's sister, Tori Spelling, also a child of the Big Cheese of Cheese TV, Aaron ("Gilligan's Island," "Beverly Hills 90210,") Spelling, got her start in her father's projects. Love her or loathe her -- or both -- Ms. Spelling has worked to make a name for herself in non reality-based faire, including a number of clueless-girl-in-peril TV movies and the decent 1997 indie film, "The House of Yes." And yet, Ms. Spelling is not about to step down as the reigning Queen of celebrats. She'll soon have a new reality show on the Oxygen network based around her and her hubby's attempt at opening a bed and breakfast, "Tori & Dean Inn Love."

Is it really the celebrats' fault that they think the public wants to watch them while they binge at Quiznos, wait for phone calls, groom their pets and generally act like regular folk (if regular folk had a three-person camera crew following them around while they spend or don't spend, or think about spending; or, are instructed not to spend piles and piles of money)? A celebrat has nothing of his or hers to offer. A celebrat, if not definitely lacking in talent, is assuredly unable to turn in an Oscar-worthy performance while ordering at the drive-thru Starbucks. Why do they think we want to watch that? Where is the focus group that convinced the network suits the public dearly wants to see people perform menial tasks because they are related, sometimes tangentially, to performers?

The airwaves have been littered lately with the daily goings-on of the famous-by-DNAers. So varied are the reality TV'ed children of the famous that we have to coin additional terminology for them in order to understand the intricate hierarchy of their place in the celebrity food chain. The daughter and three grandsons of notorious Mafiosi "Teflon" John Gotti were depicted on "Growing Up Gotti." The Gotti boys, infamous now for how much hair gel they needed during their three seasons on A&E, were only on-screen for being the children of a made man: aka the "celefellas" factor.

Wrestler Hulk Hogan's children currently appear on VH1's "Hogan Knows Best." According to Wikipedia, the show premiered in 2005 with a 1.9 Nielsen rating, the largest audience ever for a VH1 debut. Hogan's children, Nick and Brooke, have yet to make their own names in Tinseltown: Brooke is launching a singing career; Nick may be joining the ranks of professional wresting. For now, though, the only reason we know about them is that they are the children of a well-known worldwide wrestler. In other words, celebrutes.

Meanwhile, Gene Simmons of the band KISS has a reality show, too: "Gene Simmons: Family Jewels." And because he's famous and they are his children, the viewing public now knows about Nick and Sophie, two earnest, fresh-faced KISSebrities.

Even those wannabes who aren't the children of stars can get their own reality show -- as long as they're the brother or sister of a star. This is what we call the celebra-sib factor. Ashlee Simpson had cameras trailing her after big sis Jessica's "Newlyweds" did well on MTV. "House of Carters" followed around teen heartthrobs Nick and Aaron Carter as well as their not-famous siblings. And in 2005, we were treated to "A Weekend With Jamie Lynn Spears," because, well, she's Brit's little sister and that's enough, isn't it?

It's more than enough. Nepotism TV. It's nothing new, but it's never been this all-pervasive. E! ran two seasons of "The Gastineau Girls" (who are known in nastier circles than mine as the Gastinhos). The Girls (ex-wife and daughter of football player Mark Gastineau) landed on E! due to nothing more than their celebling factor.

"Sons of Hollywood" isn't even a new concept -- maybe that's what's so galling. In the summer of 2005, FOX aired "The Princes of Malibu," following brothers Brandon and Brody Jenner, sons of Bruce Jenner, former Olympian and Wheaties cereal shill. The network aired only two episodes before wisely pulling the show, though Brody has reappeared on reality TV in this season's "The Hills" on MTV. And something about the Jenner offspring must be utterly compelling: his stepdaughter, Kourtney Kardashian, appeared on the E! network's reality series "Filthy Rich: Cattle Drive." In fact, "Cattle Drive" may have broken the record for the largest number of celebrats ever collected in a single location. It included Robert Blake's son, Noah; Pat Benatar's daughter, Haley; Anthony Quinn's son, Alex; Lou Ferrigno's daughter, Shanna; and, George Foreman III. Bet you can guess whose son he is.

But there have been a few children of celebrities with something to offer in terms of actual talent. Look at Jamie Lee Curtis, Campbell Scott, Kate Hudson, Bryce Dallas Howard and Sophia Coppola -- all extremely talented. Let them audition for the stage, for a sitcom, for that next blockbuster. Allow them to earn their way onto our screens. Do we have to give them airtime on a Tuesday night so we can watch them receive their personally-delivered Zone diet meals on camera? If this trend continues, and it most likely will, we won't have to wait much longer before we're treated to the day-to-day escapades of Madonna's Lola and Rocco, and Gwyneth's Apple and Moses. May we propose "The Celebrits"?

I wish nothing but the best of luck to the sons of Hollywood, to the daughters and to the nieces, cousins and every other relative out there. Family is great; I'm sure yours is terrific, and I find mine, at times, highly entertaining. But that doesn't mean my cousin's dog walker is getting his own opinion piece on MSN.