Entrée: "Top Chef" (Wednesdays at 10 p.m. ET/PT on Bravo)

"Top Chef" serves up 15 aspiring chefs from around the country for its third season go-round. Each episode attempts to stump players, including a onetime personal chef for Arianna Huffington and several restaurant owners, with two challenges: a quickie, think-on-your-feet assemblage, and a more involved elimination challenge.

The Chocolate Truffle: The ultimate winner receives a hefty chunk of restaurant seed money (we're talking $100,000), a Food & Wine magazine spread and the title, of course, of "Top Chef."

If You Can't Stand the Heat: Master chef Tom Colicchio, co-founder of New York's Gramercy Tavern and Craft restaurants, judges each concoction along with Food & Wine food critic Gail Simmons and a rotating panel of well-known food personalities. While the pressure can be intense, the hopefuls seldom freak out and Chef Tom's shiny pate never seems to break a sweat.

The Sweet Taste of Humiliation: A thin broth: Contestants are dismissed with instructions to "pack up their knives."

Tasty Tidbits: Every reality show tries to bring in some "vavoom" factor. "Top Chef" has chosen for that honor the preternaturally unmoving Padma Lakshmi, actress/cookbook author and talking head on "Padma's Passport," another Food Network show. She does, however, raise the politically relevant factor; she's married to author Salman Rushdie.

Gag Me With a Spoon: The first cooking challenge included working with rattlesnake, eel, alligator and kangaroo and at least one platter of mysterious, glistening innards.

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Entrée: "Hell's Kitchen" (Mondays at 9 p.m. ET/PT on FOX)

"Hell's Kitchen" is launching its third season with 12 contestants, six men and six women, including a short-order cook, the chef of a retirement establishment and a sous-chef. Only the strongest will make it through a cooking boot camp, and the drill sergeant knows how to swear. Loudly.

If You Can't Stand the Heat: "Hell's Kitchen" is run by none other than Michelin-awarded chef Gordon Ramsay, arguably the fiercest Scotsman since William "Braveheart" Wallace. In the opening episode, one contestant fights off the urge to faint, while another has a long-running crying jag. Who can blame them? When Chef Gordon's face begins to fold up like a shar-pei, as accurately described by one bemused contestant, you'd better brace yourself.

The Chocolate Truffle: The winner -- or in this case, the survivor -- is awarded the title of "Head Chef" of an Italian restaurant in Las Vegas: the Green Valley Ranch Resort and Spa, which includes a $250,000 salary and a share of the restaurant's profits.

The Sweet Taste of Humiliation: Pure hot sauce. Where to begin? Chef Ramsay barks, swears, spits and practically chews the dinnerware whole. He described one risotto dish as tasting like "gnat's piss," so being forced to hand over one's chef jacket when dismissed might just be a blessed relief.

Tasty Tidbits: No traditional "vavoom" factor here, but watching Chef Ramsay grow increasingly furious feels almost pornographic. I was waiting for him to simply snap and, in homage to his soccer-playing days, head-butt into unconsciousness one of the blathering contestants. Maybe it's just his TV persona; in the show's premiere, he was genuinely kind to weeping Aaron, who couldn't make ice cream to save his life. Of course, Ramsay also called the guy a "chunky monkey."

Gag Me With a Spoon: The dishes must be made to exacting standards, but the ingredients are disgusting only in terms of undercooked scallops and overcooked pasta. There are no chewy innards here, which may make for slightly less compelling television, but "Hell's Kitchen" maintains a tension level of DEFCON 3. This show doesn't need monstrous meats to raise your blood pressure.

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Entrée: "The Next Food Network Star" (Sundays at 9 p.m. ET/PT on Food Network)

This foodie fest pits cooking contestants against one another, not only to unearth their talent but to mine them for television appeal. Apparently one Rachael Ray is never enough.

The Chocolate Truffle: The winner is awarded a six-show Food Network series.

If You Can't Stand the Heat: The judges are Susie Fogelson and Bob Tuschman; Fogelson is vice president of marketing at the Food Network, and Tuschman is VP of programming and production. Assisting them are various Food Network hosts.

Tasty Tidbit: Food Network staple Bobby Flay ("Iron Chef," "Throwdown!") brings a warm, cheerful, unbuttoned-shirt-sleeves approach to the first episode. The second episode features none other than guest host Giada De Laurentiis, best known for her "Everyday Italian" Food Network show; she's the cheesecake to Flay's club sandwich. Is the plan to rotate among all the Food Network stars? We hope so!

The Sweet Taste of Humiliation: Cream puff. "We have to ask you to leave" is as harsh as it ever gets. And then there's hugging.

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Too big of a bite? Here's a crib-sheet version of each show:

"Top Chef" has a little drama, and a lot foodie factor. Chef Tom Colicchio is not nearly scary enough, but we like to see food done well, if not always well done. If you like to mull over how you'd prepare a dish, this is the savory for you. "Hell's Kitchen" will have you cringing over someone's inability to cook an egg; definitely delicious if you don't mind a slightly sour aftertaste. Chef Ramsay is too scary, but we're both captivated and utterly appalled by all the crying (the only thing that could be more upsetting is if they all wore toques). "The Next Food Network Star" is all about the whole package: cooking, presentation and personality -- what we call soup to nuts. They cook, they're pretty -- it's almost too much to bear.

They're all delicious, but the flavors vary widely from show to show. So, what are you in the mood for? As with an Indian buffet, you can't go wrong.