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Cheekbones
Teri Hatcher, "Desperate
Housewives"
We've documented the incredible shrinking Susan,
and she nearly won in the "legs" category for what my friend Laura
calls "chopstick gams," but for now, we're fixated on Hatcher's
sunken cheeks and jutting jawbones; from certain angles she's a dead
ringer for skeletal former U.S. Sen. Slade Gorton, who's about 138
years old. Hatcher makes sculpted co-star Nicollette Sheridan look
soft and girly. Runners-up: Marg Helgenberger, "CSI" and Bruce Jenner, "Skating with
Celebrities"
Video: Teri Hatcher in "Lois and
Clark" | |
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Breasts
Tyra Banks, "The Tyra
Banks Show," "America's Next Top
Model"
Hey, even Tyra is captivated by them; she had that
expert
carbon-dating guy come on and determine that they are
"real."
Of course they're real -- they look like they could put
an eye out!
Her guests and co-stars actually try to navigate
around them
when they're near her on stage. Runners-up: Too many
to single
out, but among our favorites are Tori ("and they double as
a handy shelf!") Spelling; the aforementioned Milano and McGowan,
mostly because co-star Combs hasn't had implants, so her cute,
normal figure looks peculiar next to her "sisters"; Vivica A. Fox,
"1-800-Missing," a gorgeous woman who tempted fate and overdid the
surgery; Calista Flockhart and Nicole Richie, who show
just what kind of chest a tiny, tiny woman really has, without
"benefit" of implants.
Video: Tyra Banks on "America's Top
Model" | |
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Chin
Jay Leno of "The Tonight
Show" takes top honors, of course, but close second place to
Anderson Cooper of CNN. Though there are others who are more
accomplished at jutting theirs to good effect, including Oprah and John
McLaughlin.
Video: Leno on Cheney's hunting
accident | |
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Skin, specifically the orange
kind
Brian Williams, NBC News. He's clearly a
tan-boothaholic, because you can often see the little white rings
around his eyes where the protectors have been. But he's got to take
it down a few notches; he's just this side of day-glo, and with NBA
season under way, he has to be careful about looking like just
another round orange thing on the screen. Runners-up: Linda Evans, "Dynasty," who was way ahead of her
time, before Mystic Tan got into every single star's coterie,
and Jessica Simpson, who seems intent on
turning herself into an exaggerated anime version of herself. Ready,
boots? | |
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Lips
So many bee
stings, so little time, but they're all winners in our book: Lisa Rinna, who launched
the Power Pucker way back on "Melrose Place"; Lara Flynn Boyle, whose
lips have more surface area than her trunk region; and Pamela
Anderson, who not only has OD'd on Restylane injections but feels
compelled to outline her lips in eyebrow pencil lest you miss
them. | |
Kati Johnston is a
freelance writer who focuses on entertainment, especially the
unintentional kind.
Agree or disagree with Kati? Send
comments to: Kati.Johnston@comcast.net |
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