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The great thing about TV is
that it lets you linger on all the details of your favorite stars. See
something weird in a movie and it's gone in a flash, but thanks to TiVo
and endless syndication, we can obsess about TV celebrities and their most
fascinating body parts over and over -- and even anticipate their
reappearance, like clues on "Lost." And as you become fixated on the
feature, it begins to color how you watch the show. (Remember that classic
Zippy the Pinhead strip where Zippy becomes obsessed with "WKRP in
Cincinnati" star
Loni Anderson, only not her
famous breasts, but rather ... her white-blonde hair, sprayed
into an
alien helmet? Zippy believed it seemed to float around the TV screen as if
on its
own power. That kind of fixation.) Here, for your dissecting
pleasure, are some of our
favorite celebrity body parts: |
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Forehead
Marcia Cross, "Desperate Housewives"
Yes,
Bree is supposed to be tightly wound. But is she really supposed to
look as though she's about to burst out of her own skull? That
forehead is pulled about as tight as a bongo top, and with her hair
stretched back as if by a medieval torture device, Bree's forehead
now enters a room a second before the rest of her face does. Cross
can look lovely, as her appearance at the Emmys showed, when her
hair softens that egghead, but when it's in the limelight, that's
the real star.
Video: Marcia Cross
interview | |
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Hair
Chris Noth, "Law & Order: Criminal
Intent"
OK, what exactly has happened here? We just saw
Noth as dreamy Mr. Big on "Sex and the City," and drooled over him
on the original "L&O." Now he's back as a clumsy add-on to
"C.I.," but worse than the scripts is whatever it is Noth has on his
head. Toupe? Hairplugs? He and his stylist seem to be channeling the
blown-forward tufty mohawk of little Maddox Jolie-Pitt, and it's got
auburn tiger stripes to boot.
Runners-up: Both Nick (with
the Alfalfa sprout on top) and Santino (Has he ever washed those
long stringy things? Bring back the knit cap!) on "Project Runway"; Alyssa Milano through the
years on "Charmed" (especially when she
does six or seven little buns around her head, like a trippy
Swiss milkmaid); the perennially captivating Donald Trump; Paris Hilton and her
clip-on yarn extensions; and Jennifer Aniston, but
only the season of "Friends" when she wore
those waist-length horse-hair ropes to mask that most of her hair
had fallen out.
Video: Chris Noth
interview | |
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Eyebrows
Tie: Jesse
Metcalfe, "Desperate Housewives," and Pamela Anderson, "Stacked"
Yes, Metcalfe
recently left "Housewives" for a fabulous career in movies, but his
eyebrows are still packing in their trailer. Kathy Griffin riffed on
them on the red carpet at the Emmys, but we noticed them first.
Overly groomed and so dark they appear if they were applied with a
blunt-tip Sharpie, they seem to follow you around the room, like the
eyes of the Mona Lisa. And you might think Anderson would be noticed
for her more well-known attributes, but we remain fascinated by the
tiny Marlene Dietrich half
moons lasered into her forehead. Runners-up:Jack Nicholson (whose
eyebrows are actually very cool, and possibly his best remaining
feature), Peter Gallagher and the
plucked-within-an-inch-of-her-life Mariah
Carey.
Video: Pamela Anderson
interview | |
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Tattoos
This one's
tough -- they are all bad, or at least so conspicuous you find
yourself missing whole chunks of dialogue. The winners by an eye of
newt: the "Charmed" girls, especially Alyssa Milano, who, thanks to
her revealing clothes and the aforementioned wacky hairdos, may or
may not actually be showing the tats she has on the back of her neck
(ick) and shoulder blade (and I think there's something lurking just
under her belt line in front too). Sometimes you see them --
and because she's got delicate features, they seem even
harsher -- and then sometimes for no good reason, they
disappear, like when she's dressed up for charity balls and stuff.
It's a good call to cover them for dressy moments, but it just makes
you more fixated on those patches of her skin. Holly Marie Combs and Rose McGowan got their
tattoos after a few seasons on the show, so watching reruns of them
becomes a fun game of hide and seek. Runners-up: Eve (kitty paws:
there, then not; then there again), Angelina Jolie (hoo-boy,
she's going to regret that Latin fortune-cookie thing across her
belly ... when those words stretch out as her bump grows, it's going
to be like newsprint on Silly Putty).
Video: Angelina Jolie discusses her
tattoos | |
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