Gordon Ramsay

There is no one so pointlessly cruel as Chef Ramsay, the sadistic sous who returns this summer for another round of "Hell's Kitchen." No matter how competitive the cook, no matter how thick the grease-spattered skin, just appearing on the show and interacting with Ramsay is about the same as damnation. It's not just his screamy, sociopathic tone -- it's the whiplash of his quick wit, a severe dark humor that would break the ego of any "Iron Chef" champion. And, like Donald Trump, Ramsay is likably mean -- the more abusive his tirades, the better his ratings -- and the more cherished his applause when a cook does something right. The only group of people as masochistic as his students is his diehard American fan-base. Bon appetit!

Hugh Laurie

American actors are always putting on fake accents and pretending to be English -- whether it's Gwyneth Paltrow or Ben Affleck, there's never a shortage of Hollywood favorites signing up for elocution lessons. But when it comes to Brits playing Yanks, Hugh Laurie has no U.S. equivalent: He sheds his thick, almost incomprehensible Cockney dialect like a snakeskin, performing his "House" lead with the flat directness of George Clooney. Intense and charismatic, Laurie spices his performance with a dash of condescension and psychological bravado. He may have made his name as a recurring screwball on "Black Adder," but for now, Laurie has made "House" a happy home.

Simon Cowell

For a guy who makes a living judging other people, Simon Cowell has spent a lot of his life making some regrettable decisions: dropping out of secondary school, working as a mail-room clerk, living with his parents for awhile, owing the bank the equivalent of $1 million, etc. But unlike the first round of "American Idol" auditions, Cowell got a second chance, and now he's the acerbic poobah of the pop-music sensation. Sharp, handsome and dangerously eloquent, Cowell is most famous for showing talentless singers the door -- after a barrage of venomous insults. But to his credit, Cowell doesn't hold back when he hears a voice that he likes, flowering young buds with some terse compliments and a sparkle in his eye. Whether "American Idol" auditioners earn a yea or nay, Cowell will make sure they leave the room sobbing.

Jane Leeves

Daphne Moon was everything a Seattle yuppie could want in a girlfriend: Honest, well-meaning and willing to stand up for herself and her friends -- and so attractive, in that blushing librarian way. After eight seasons of bouncing around the upscale, farcical world of "Frasier," Jane Leeves returns to television this fall with "Misconceptions," a sitcom about a single mom and the sperm-bank donor she's never met. Leeves is also a master of dialect, although most Americans would never know it: Although she grew up in Sussex, she speaks Daphne's lines in a Mancunian accent (which is spoken about 250 miles from her hometown). This is roughly equivalent to a New Yorker impersonating a Virginian, for the sake of an audience that can't tell the difference.