http://movies.msn.com/movies/dvd;NEW ON DVD;|new on dvdhttp://movies.msn.com/movies/dvd/coming;COMING SOON ON DVD;|Coming Soonhttp://movies.msn.com/movies/dvd/scarymovies;SCARIEST MOVIES;|Scariest Movies on DVD
OK, we'll admit it. If Kim Kardashian's marriage and
subsequent divorce was a ploy for publicity and ratings, it worked on us,
because we made darn sure that we were planted on the couch at 10 p.m. on Sunday
night to watch the premiere of "Kourtney & Kim Take New
And, of course, we were watching with every biased intention of vilifying
Kris Humphries. With "HUSBAND FROM HELL" splashed across the cover of Us this
week, we were expecting terrible, borderline abusive behavior.
As we watched him snuggle Kim on a private jet, murmuring, "You're so pretty,
baby," all we could think about was the tabloid claims that he relentlessly
called her fat. As he lovingly trimmed his quasi-brother-in-law's armpit hair,
we anticipated the homophobic remarks he allegedly made to Kim's BFF, Jonathan
There's basically nothing Kris could have done to charm us out of hating him.
The armpit trimming gave us the tiniest glimmer of non-hatred, but it was
negated by his passing gas in Kourtney's face.
That said, if Kris married Kim for fame reasons -- as her wise sage younger
sister Khloe suggested during the "Fairy-Tale Wedding" special -- there were no
signs of him indulging in said fame as he bailed on a red carpet. He chose to
hide behind the step and repeat, texting or tweeting or playing Angry Birds
while Kim handled the press on her own.
Don't get us wrong -- we sympathize with how weird life as a
Kardashian-in-law must be for the rather dopey guy from Minnesota. In just one
episode, we were subjected to oil enemas, anal leakage, armpit trimmings and the
icing on the cake: naked yoga.
Yes, Kris, we too might have been alarmed to arrive home and find a bunch of
women practicing yoga, led by a fully nude man we had never met.
Kris' reaction was the problem. Instead of waiting for a private moment to
have the honey-who-is-the-naked-yoga-guy conversation, Kris insulted the
instructor's ... manhood, demanded that the surfaces he sat on be disinfected,
and repeatedly referred to him as a "rasta guy" (because his dreadlocks made the
situation positively unbearable, we suppose?).
In the end, Kris just couldn't handle the NYC life, and he fled to Minnesota,
where he can get a better workout in, apparently.
Meanwhile, Kourtney's boyfriend, Scott Disick, who has begun to sleep in a
separate bedroom from her since we last caught up with the couple, also hit the
bricks. After cocktails, arguments and shirtless lounging with Kris, he'd had
The boys will, of course, be back. We can't wait for next week's episode.
We also can't wait to see how damaged baby Mason is 15 years from now, but
that's a whole different story.