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(...Story Continued from Previous Page)
Blair is in shock, but has to go on stage. She enters on cue, still clearly stunned and furious.
S and D are playing a couple on stage, which is both hilarious and awkward. Rufus enters rehearsal and sits next to Jenny, and as soon as he does, he finds the note meant for Dan. Inside there's a key to Carr's apartment (Ooh, girl!) and it tells Dan to meet at her place that night. But before that message can fully shock us, here comes Nelly Yuki in a fat suit, and Blair accusing Nelly of ratting her out to Yale out of jealousy. Nelly gets two wins in one day when she finally tells Blair, "People aren't jealous of you. They hate you!" She didn't rat out Blair, but a thousand people could have. Everyone then gets a text from GG dragging up that whole fiasco with the Lord and his cougar mother shacking up while he was with Blair (and... she knew). It's such old news, but it still stings, and Blair realizes that someone is out to get her. She knows it's Vanessa, since she's the only one who knew about the Lord and his mother dearest's secret love.
Vanessa interviews Serena about her role, but Serena is more focused on director Julien. She hatches a plan, asking Julien to tell Vanessa his insights about the play over dinner (with Nate and Serena in tow). Blair walks up to them and threatens Vanessa's life, but V finally gets the right idea and just walks away, shaking her head. Blair asks for Serena's support, but S takes Vanessa's side, and Blair threatens to take down Serena as "collateral damage" if need be.
Chuck enters his room to find Elle there, and she asks for his help. Figures. She's "on the run" from the league of powerful, rich men who will kill her for& what was the reason again? Oh yeah, because she boned the wrong Bass at a party. Anyway, she admits that she "felt a connection" between them (I think she felt more than that), and she was only with Carter because he's rich and she thought he could help. She needs to leave the country and start over with a new identity, because apparently this club is like the mob. Chuck says he can help with the new identity. She kisses him. (This whole plot is absurd. Even for Gossip Girl.) "One question," he says. "How do you feel about Brazil?" They make out some more. Gross.
At dinner: Julien and Vanessa gab about obscure classic theater and movies and books, and Serena weakly tries to contribute. She fails. Nate decides to cut his losses and get out of the most obnoxious dinner party ever, but Vanessa stays to hear about the play. On second thought, Julien decides Nate had the right idea, and he goes to get the check. While he's gone, Vanessa tells Serena that Julien is annoying, pompous, and self-absorbed (which is why they have so much in common). But S still wants to hit that, so she hatches a "Cyrano"-esque plan, and asks Julien for some extra character-coaching the next day.
Dan asks Jenny about the note from Rachel, and Jenny breaks the news that Rufus found it. Cut to Rachel lighting candles, waiting for her high school lover to show up. Instead she gets the older Humphrey, who gives her the stone-cold treatment, hands back her key, and leaves. The teacher just got schooled.
Rufus then tells Dan that it's over between him and teacher, but Dan pulls the "I'm 18 and I can do what I want!" speech. Rufus calls him shortsighted. I still call him a big fat hypocrite.
Serena and Julien are practicing her lines, and he attempts to engage a high school girl in a conversation about the film adaptation of the Great Gatsby. Luckily, Serena's got a Bluetooth with Vanessa on the other end, which keeps her head above water in the conversation. But as Vanessa is giving Serena flirty intellectualisms, Nate walks in behind her and thinks she's actually nerding it on with Julien over the phone. He gets all Charlie Brown and shuffles away. Just then, S gets a text from Gossip Girl, who now leaks that S only got into Yale because she's a celebutante with a press release opportunity. The saboteur is out for S, too!
Elle and Chuck confront Carter by his car. Chuck wants Carter's help getting Elle a passport. Elle gets into the car with Carter to go see his "passport guy," but Carter flashes his club-insignia-tattoo, says, "We'll take care of her," and drives off. This is getting more ridiculous by the minute. Chuck Bass deserves better than this storyline.
It's opening night, and Blair is still humiliated over the Yale fiasco. Dorota tells her to pour it into the role. Just then, S pops in and blames Blair for the GG blast about Yale (Did you catch how she's doing exactly the same thing B just did to Vanessa?). "Betrayal is in your nature," S tells B, but B didn't do it. S leaves, and Blair tracks it all back to Dan.
Dan and Rachel meet in the hallway, and they run into the costume closet where they won't be seen. Dan's emotions get the best of him (what else is new?) and he pounces on the cougar. She resists for about 0.5 seconds. And then they're doing it in the costume closet. Classy.
The play goes on, and tensions between Blair, Serena, and Dan are quite obvious.
Chuck meets with Mr. Campbell, whom he saw following Carter, but Campbell claims he has no idea what Chuck is talking about and leaves. Chuck gets a text that says "Eastview Hotel 10:30 PM."
After Act One, Julien gives his actors a pep talk telling them to give birth to their characters while standing on a cliff (or something that equally makes no sense). He then threatens to murder anyone who embarrasses him in front of the critic who's in the audience. Nate is snubbing Vanessa, and Julien patronizes Nate for his poor Act One performance, calling him empty. Nate storms off, and Julien tells V to put her camera on a tripod and watch the play from the front.
Dan and Blair act out a flirty scene on stage together when she starts whispering about getting revenge. Her non-subtle threats ruin the scene, but Dan realizes what's going on, and traces the texts back to Rachel.
B and S are frigid with each other on stage, when Nate enters, sees Vanessa and Julien sitting together in the front row, and loses it. He goes on a rant: " I hate these clothes, I hate this play, and I hate pretentious asshats who try to steal other guys' girlfriends!" He storms off stage. Nate gets +10 for calling the director an "asshat," and he opens a can of worms, as Blair pipes in and starts ad libbing about her own problems, with Serena and Nelly following suit. Nate comes back on stage and yells some more about Julien giving him a hard time for not understanding poor people. (He lost EVERYTHING, remember audience?) The play is ruined. Jenny closes the curtain. "All's well that ends well," Gossip Girl says... But, "sometimes, it just ends."
Julien is embarrassed by his "travesty" of a play, but then the snobby theater critic walks up and commends him on his "deconstruction of the second act" in which he "melded" the kids' aggressive emotions (and other nonsense), and Julien takes credit for "harnessing the raw emotion." Vanessa calls him out for being a fake and runs to find Nate. Serena says she doesn't know why she ever had a crush on him, and Julien looks at her pityingly: "Serena. I'm gay."
Vanessa finds Nate and they discover the phone misunderstanding. But that doesn't change the facts, Nate says, that they have nothing in common. Vanessa wants him to try harder to like the things that she does, and then he wouldn't be so insecure. He storms off.
Chuck finds Elle at the hotel, and finds out she is all set to get out of the country to Brazil. He wants to meet up with her there, but she doesn't want him involved in the plan. She thanks him for the money, and he realizes she was just using him. She tells him that he has a good heart, and should find someone who cares. (Evil woman!!! Get on that plane and out of here!) Thankfully, she does exactly that. Bye, Elle. We won't miss you.
Dan takes the revolving blame game to Rachel, accusing her of sending the GG blasts about Yale. She doesn't deny it. Dan's ideals are crushed by the realization that a teacher who sleeps with her student might be less than honorable. He asks her to fix things with Blair, and she refuses. Dan storms off, and as he does, he sees Blair, tells her whose fault this whole mess is, and that he had sex with Rachel in the costume closet -- giving her leave to use the information as she will. Blair confronts the ment-whore, and wonders how to properly punish her. Rachel is reeling, and says she doesn't know what she's become. She apologizes. In that moment, Blair sees herself in Rachel, and tells her that the punishment is to live with it. "I should know. It's not easy," Blair says.
Dan tells Serena that he's responsible for the blast, because Rachel sent it. He told her because he was trying to explain to her that Serena isn't like other girls at Constance. (Huh, Mr. Humphrey?) Before he can elaborate, a very hurt Serena cuts him off and leaves.
Vanessa goes to see Nate and says she's sorry. She wants to cuddle with snacks and watch ESPN. Nate was busy watching the movie she lent to him. They both discover how wonderful it is to try new things, and that makes them want to make out.
Dan goes home to find Rufus eating ice cream alone. (No mention of how sad that is.) Dan apologizes, because Rachel wasn't who he thought she was. Rufus also says sorry, but D asks for space to make his own mistakes (like he hasn't made enough already). Rufus says that he can make all the mistakes he wants at Yale.
Cut to Blair nursing a martini at the world's least-crowded bar. Serena finds her and apologizes for not believing her. Blair understands why she didn't. "Betrayal is in my nature," she says. She calls all of this karma for her evil deeds. She brushes off Serena's attempts at comfort, and asks her to leave. "You're still my best friend," Serena says, leaving.
Dan goes into his room and Jenny brings him a note that was left by the door. He opens it -- the note is from Rachel, and says she's going back to Iowa.
Meanwhile, Chuck goes to see Blair, but she's out. He wants to wait at her house until she gets there. (YAY!) However, while his timing is wrong, Carter's isn't. He finds Blair and greets her with a "Hello, beautiful." He offers to buy her a drink. And we all know what Blair does when she's drunk and down in the dumps...
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