After one of the weaker Emmys openings in recent memory -- host Jimmy Kimmel
fretting about a bad botox job -- he won back some goodwill with an opening
monologue that took aim at Mitt Romney, Barack Obama, Jon Hamm, HBO's "Luck" and
a 14-year-old boy.
Here are the best jokes:
"Television as we know it was invented by a 14-year-old Idaho farmboy named
Philo T. Farnsworth, who was plowing a wheatfield. This is true, in rows of
parallel lines. And it occured to Philo that an image could also be sliced into
rows of parallel lines and he patented that invention, and now thanks to Philo
T. Farnsworth, we have 'Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo.' Nice job, dumbass."
"I will admit that 'Downton Abbey' is an amazing show. ... It really gives
you a sense of what it must have been like to grow up in Mitt Romney's
"Are any of you voting for Mitt Romney? Alright, there's 40 Republicans and
the rest godless liberal homosexuals. ... Being a Republican in Hollywood is
like being a Chick-fil-A sandwich on the snack table at 'Glee.'"
"Does it bother anyone else that President Obama said his favorite show is
'Homeland'? I don't think the president should be watching 'Homeland' for the
same reason I don't think Charlie Sheen should watch 'Breaking Bad.'"
"Once again, HBO leads all the networks with 81 nominations, but it was a
bumpy year for HBO. Their highly anticipated horseracing drama, 'Luck,' was
canceled halfway through the first season. By the way, if you're going to the
HBO after-party, don't eat the sliders."
"The show with the most nominations this year is 'Mad Men.' The star of show,
one of the stars, the very handsome Jon Hamm is with us. Jon, you gave a
tremendous performance this year, and I for one am shocked that you did not win
tonight." (Kimmel made the joke before the winner in the category, in which
Bryan Cranston was heavily favored, was actually announced.)
"It was a big year for cable. For the first time ever, none of the four major
networks were nominated in the drama category. And you can't ignore that. The
academy is sending a pretty clear message. And that message is 'Show us your
Just watched the Emmy's and when Modern Family won at the end of the night they should have been given the few extra seconds needed to finish the speech instead of beening cut off like someones stepchild. Everyone else got at least 30 some seconds to talk and they could have had the time while the credits ran.
I just don't understand the humor in most of these people. I don't think Jimmy Kimmel is funny at all ! or Jimmy Fallon, & David Letterman. to me their just about the biggest bullies ever. TV has just gone down the tube as far as I'm concerned. I had to turn the channel to Simon even though it was a rerun it was much better than watching all those phony people. And watching all those dumb people walking around with thier dumb dresses with their boobs hanging out with their legs sticking out and their hands on their hips. how sickening. The only funny thing I've seen Jimmy Fallon do are his commercials with that little baby.
It is so sad that so many people just don't have a sense of humor. Jimmy Kimmel rocked last night. Best emmy host ever. This was the first time I was able to sit through the whole show without having my eyes glaze over from boredom.